JHS
FEW tasks
which I have been commanded to undertake by obedience have been so
difficult as this present one of writing about matters relating to
prayer: for one reason, because I do not feel that the Lord has given
me either the spirituality or the desire for it; for another, because
for the last three months I have been suffering from such noises and
weakness in the head that I find it troublesome to write even about
necessary business. But, as I know that strength arising from obedience
has a way of simplifying things which seem impossible, my will very
gladly resolves to attempt this task although the prospect seems to
cause my physical nature great distress; for the Lord has not given
me strength enough to enable me to wrestle continually both with sickness
and with occupations of many kinds without feeling a great physical
strain. May He Who has helped me by doing other and more difficult
things for me help also in this: in His mercy I put my trust.
I really
think I have little to say that I have not already said in other books
which I have been commanded to write; indeed, I am afraid that I shall
do little but repeat myself, for I write as mechanically[14] as
birds taught to speak, which, knowing nothing but what is taught them
and what they hear, repeat the same things again and again. If the
Lord wishes me to say anything new, His Majesty will teach it me or
be pleased to recall to my memory what I have said on former occasions;
and I should be quite satisfied with this, for my memory is so bad
that I should be delighted if I could manage to write down a few of
the things which people have considered well said, so that they should
not be lost. If the Lord should not grant me as much as this, I shall
still be the better for having tried, even if this writing under obedience
tires me and makes my head worse, and if no one finds what I say of
any profit.
And so
I begin to fulfil my obligation on this Day of the Holy Trinity, in
the year MDLXXVII,[15] in
this convent of St. Joseph of Carmel in Toledo, where I am at this
present, submitting myself as regards all that I say to the judgment
of those who have commanded me to write, and who are persons of great
learning. If I should say anything that is not in conformity with what
is held by the Holy Roman Catholic Church,[16] it
will be through ignorance and not through malice. This may be taken
as certain, and also that, through God's goodness, I am, and shall
always be, as I always have been, subject to her. May He be for ever
blessed and glorified. Amen.
I was
told by the person who commanded me to write that, as the nuns of these
convents of Our Lady of Carmel need someone to solve their difficulties
concerning prayer, and as (or so it seemed to him) women best understand
each other's language, and also in view of their love for me, anything
I might say would be particularly useful to them. For this reason he
thought that it would be rather important if I could explain things
clearly to them and for this reason it is they whom I shall be addressing
in what I write -- and also because it seems ridiculous to think that
I can be of any use to anyone else. Our Lord will be granting me a
great favour if a single one of these nuns should find that my words
help her to praise Him ever so little better. His Majesty well knows
that I have no hope of doing more, and, if I am successful in anything
that I may say, they will of course understand that it does not come
from me. Their only excuse for crediting me with it could be their
having as little understanding as I have ability in these matters if
the Lord of His mercy does not grant it me.
FIRST
MANSIONS
In which there are Two Chapters.
Treats
of the beauty and dignity of our souls; makes a comparison by the
help of which this may be understood; describes the benefit which
comes from understanding it and being aware of the favours which
we receive from God; and shows how the door of this castle is prayer.
WHILE
I was beseeching Our Lord to-day that He would speak through me, since
I could find nothing to say and had no idea how to begin to carry out
the obligation laid upon me by obedience, a thought occurred to me
which I will now set down, in order to have some foundation on which
to build. I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made
of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many
rooms,[17] just
as in Heaven there are many mansions.[18] Now
if we think carefully over this, sisters, the soul of the righteous
man is nothing but a paradise, in which, as God tells us, He takes
His delight.[19] For
what do you think a room will be like which is the delight of a King
so mighty, so wise, so pure and so full of all that is good? I can
find nothing with which to compare the great beauty of a soul and its
great capacity. In fact, however acute our intellects may be, They
will no more be able to attain to a comprehension of this than to an
understanding of God; for, as He Himself says, He created us in His
image and likeness.[20] Now
if this is so -- and it is -- there is no point in our fatiguing ourselves
by attempting to comprehend the beauty of this castle; for, though
it is His creature, and there is therefore as much difference between
it and God as between creature and Creator, the very fact that His
Majesty says it is made in His image means that we can hardly form
any conception of the soul's great dignity and beauty.[21]
It is
no small pity, and should cause us no little shame, that, through our
own fault, we do not understand ourselves, or know who we are. Would
it not be a sign of great ignorance, my daughters, if a person were
asked who he was, and could not say, and had no idea who his father
or his mother was, or from what country he came? Though that is great
stupidity, our own is incomparably greater if we make no attempt to
discover what we are, and only know that we are living in these bodies,
and have a vague idea, because we have heard it and because our Faith
tells us so, that we possess souls. As to what good qualities there
may be in our souls, or Who dwells within them, or how precious they
are -- those are things which we seldom consider and so we trouble
little about carefully preserving the soul's beauty. All our interest
is centred in the rough setting of the diamond, and in the outer wall
of the castle -- that is to say, in these bodies of ours.
Let us
now imagine that this castle, as I have said, contains many mansions,[22] some
above, others below, others at each side; and in the centre and midst
of them all is the chiefest mansion where the most secret things pass
between God and the soul. You must think over this comparison very
carefully; perhaps God will be pleased to use it to show you something
of the favours which He is pleased to grant to souls, and of the differences
between them, so far as I have understood this to be possible, for
there are so many of them that nobody can possibly understand them
all, much less anyone as stupid as I. If the Lord grants you these
favours, it will be a great consolation to you to know that such things
are possible; and, if you never receive any, you can still praise His
great goodness. For, as it does us no harm to think of the things laid
up for us in Heaven, and of the joys of the blessed, but rather makes
us rejoice and strive to attain those joys ourselves, just so it will
do us no harm to find that it is possible in this our exile for so
great a God to commune with such malodorous worms, and to love Him
for His great goodness and boundless mercy. I am sure that anyone who
finds it harmful to realize that it is possible for God to grant such
favours during this our exile must be greatly lacking in humility and
in love of his neighbour; for otherwise how could we help rejoicing
that God should grant these favours to one of our brethren when this
in no way hinders Him from granting them to ourselves, and that His
Majesty should bestow an understanding of His greatness upon anyone
soever? Sometimes He will do this only to manifest His power, as He
said of the blind man to whom He gave his sight, when the Apostles
asked Him if he were suffering for his own sins or for the sins of
his parents.[23] He
grants these favours, then, not because those who receive them are
holier than those who do not, but in order that His greatness may be
made known, as we see in the case of Saint Paul and the Magdalen, and
in order that we may praise Him in His creatures.
It may
be said that these things seem impossible and that it is better not
to scandalize the weak. But less harm is done by their disbelieving
us than by our failing to edify those to whom God grants these favours,
and who will rejoice and will awaken others to a fresh love of Him
Who grants such mercies, according to the greatness of His power and
majesty. In any case I know that none to whom I am speaking will run
into this danger, because they all know and believe that God grants
still greater proofs of His love. I am sure that, if any one of you
does not believe this, she will never learn it by experience. For God's
will is that no bounds should be set to His works. Never do such a
thing, then, sisters, if the Lord does not lead you by this road.
Now let
us return to our beautiful and delightful castle and see how we can
enter it. I seem rather to be talking nonsense, for, if this castle
is the soul, there can clearly be no question of our entering it. For
we ourselves are the castle: and it would be absurd to tell someone
to enter a room when he was in it already! But you must understand
that there are many ways of "being" in a place. Many souls
remain in the outer court of the castle, which is the place occupied
by the guards; they are not interested in entering it, and have no
idea what there is in that wonderful place, or who dwells in it, or
even how many rooms it has. You will have read certain books on prayer
which advise the soul to enter within itself: and that is exactly what
this means.
A short
time ago I was told by a very learned man that souls without prayer
are like people whose bodies or limbs are paralysed: they possess feet
and hands but they cannot control them. In the same way, there are
souls so infirm and so accustomed to busying themselves with outside
affairs that nothing can be done for them, and it seems as though they
are incapable of entering within themselves at all. So accustomed have
they grown to living all the time with the reptiles and other creatures
to be found in the outer court of the castle that they have almost
become like them; and although by nature they are so richly endowed
as to have the power of holding converse with none other than God Himself,
there is nothing that can be done for them. Unless they strive to realize
their miserable condition and to remedy it, they will be turned into
pillars of salt for not looking within themselves, just as Lot's wife
was because she looked back.[24]
As far
as I can understand, the door of entry into this castle is prayer and
meditation: I do not say mental prayer rather than vocal, for, if it
is prayer at all, it must be accompanied by meditation. If a person
does not think Whom he is addressing, and what he is asking for, and
who it is that is asking and of Whom he is asking it, I do not consider
that he is praying at all even though he be constantly moving his lips.
True, it is sometimes possible to pray without paying heed to these
things, but that is only because they have been thought about previously;
if a man is in the habit of speaking to God's Majesty as he would speak
to his slave, and never wonders if he is expressing himself properly,
but merely utters the words that come to his lips because he has learned
them by heart through constant repetition, I do not call that prayer
at all -- and God grant no Christian may ever speak to Him so! At any
rate, sisters, I hope in God that none of you will, for we are accustomed
here to talk about interior matters, and that is a good way of keeping
oneself from falling into such animal-like habits.[25]
Let us
say no more, then, of these paralysed souls, who, unless the Lord Himself
comes and commands them to rise, are like the man who had lain beside
the pool for thirty years:[26] they
are unfortunate creatures and live in great peril. Let us rather think
of certain other souls, who do eventually enter the castle. These are
very much absorbed in worldly affairs; but their desires are good;
sometimes, though infrequently, they commend themselves to Our Lord;
and they think about the state of their souls, though not very carefully.
Full of a thousand preoccupations as they are, they pray only a few
times a month, and as a rule they are thinking all the time of their
preoccupations, for they are very much attached to them, and, where
their treasure is, there is their heart also.[27] From
time to time, however, they shake their minds free of them and it is
a great thing that they should know themselves well enough to realize
that they are not going the right way to reach the castle door. Eventually
they enter the first rooms on the lowest floor, but so many reptiles
get in with them that they are unable to appreciate the beauty of the
castle or to find any peace within it. Still, they have done a good
deal by entering at all.
You will
think this is beside the point, daughters, since by the goodness of
the Lord you are not one of these. But you must be patient, for there
is no other way in which I can explain to you some ideas I have had
about certain interior matters concerning prayer. May it please the
Lord to enable me to say something about them; for to explain to you
what I should like is very difficult unless you have had personal experience;
and anyone with such experience, as you will see, cannot help touching
upon subjects which, please God, shall, by His mercy, never concern
us.
Describe
the hideousness of a soul in mortal sin, some part of which God was
pleased to manifest to a certain person. Says something also of self-knowledge.
This chapter is profitable, since it contains some noteworthy matters.
Explains in what sense the Mansions are to be understood.
BEFORE
passing on, I want you to consider what will be the state of this castle,
so beautiful and resplendent this Orient pearl, this tree of life,
planted in the living waters of life[28] --
namely, in God -- when the soul falls into a mortal sin. No thicker
darkness exists, and there is nothing dark and black which is not much
less so than this. You need know only one thing about it -- that, although
the Sun Himself, Who has given it all its splendour and beauty, is
still there in the centre of the soul, it is as if He were not there
for any participation which the soul has in Him, though it is as capable
of enjoying Him as is the crystal of reflecting the sun. While in a
state like this the soul will find profit in nothing, and hence, being
as it is in mortal sin, none of the good works it may do will be of
any avail[29] to
win it glory; for they will not have their origin in that First Principle,
which is God, through Whom alone our virtue is true virtue. And, since
this soul has separated itself from Him, it cannot be pleasing in His
eyes; for, after all, the intention of a person who commits a mortal
sin is not to please Him but to give pleasure to the devil; and, as
the devil is darkness itself, the poor soul becomes darkness itself
likewise.
I know
of a person[30] to
whom Our Lord wished to show what a soul was like when it committed
mortal sin. That person says that, if people could understand this,
she thinks they would find it impossible to sin at all, and, rather
than meet occasions of sin, would put themselves to the greatest trouble
imaginable. So she was very anxious that everyone should realize this.
May you be no less anxious, daughters, to pray earnestly to God for
those who are in this state and who, with all their works, have become
sheer darkness. For, just as all the streamlets that flow from a clear
spring are as clear as the spring itself, so the works of a soul in
grace are pleasing in the eyes both of God and of men, since they proceed
from this spring of life, in which the soul is as a tree planted. It
would give no shade and yield no fruit if it proceeded not thence,
for the spring sustains it and prevents it from drying up and causes
it to produce good fruit. When the soul, on the other hand, through
its own fault, leaves this spring and becomes rooted in a pool of pitch-black,
evil-smelling water, it produces nothing but misery and filth.
It should
be noted here that it is not the spring, or the brilliant sun which
is in the centre of the soul, that loses its splendour and beauty,
for they are always within it and nothing can take away their beauty.
If a thick black cloth be placed over a crystal in the sunshine, however,
it is clear that, although the sun may be shining upon it, its brightness
will have no effect upon the crystal.
O souls
redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ! Learn to understand yourselves
and take pity on yourselves! Surely, if you understand your own natures,
it is impossible that you will not strive to remove the pitch which
blackens the crystal? Remember, if your life were to end now, you would
never enjoy this light again. O Jesus! How sad it is to see a soul
deprived of it! What a state the poor rooms of the castle are in! How
distracted are the senses which inhabit them! And the faculties, which
are their governors and butlers and stewards -- how blind they are
and how ill-controlled! And yet, after all, what kind of fruit can
one expect to be borne by a tree rooted in the devil?
I once
heard a spiritual man say that he was not so much astonished at the
things done by a soul in mortal sin as at the things not done by it.
May God, in His mercy, deliver us from such great evil, for there is
nothing in the whole of our lives that so thoroughly deserves to be
called evil as this, since it brings endless and eternal evils in its
train. It is of this, daughters, that we should walk in fear, and this
from which in our prayers we must beg God to deliver us; for, if He
keep not the city, we shall labour in vain,[31] since
we are vanity itself. That person to whom I referred just now said
that the favour which God had granted her had taught her too things:
first, she had learned to have the greatest fear of offending Him,
for which reason she continually begged Him not to allow her to fall,
when she saw what legible consequences a fall could bring; secondly,
she had found it a mirror of humility, for it had made her realize
that any good thing we do has its source, not in ourselves but rather
in that spring where this tree, which is the soul, is planted, and
in that sun which sheds its radiance on our works. She says that she
saw this so clearly that, whenever she did any good thing, or saw such
a thing done, she betook herself straightway to its Source, realizing
that without His help we are powerless. She then went on at once to
praise God; and, as a rule, when she did any good action, she never
gave a thought to herself at all.
If we
can remember these two things, sisters, the time you have spent in
reading all this, and the time I have spent in writing it, will not
have been lost. Wise and learned men know them quite well, but we women
are slow and need instruction in everything. So perhaps it may be the
Lord's will that these comparisons shall be brought to our notice.
May He be pleased of His goodness to give us grace to understand them.
These
interior matters are so obscure to the mind that anyone with as little
learning as I will be sure to have to say many superfluous and even
irrelevant things in order to say a single one that is to the point.
The reader must have patience with me, as I have with myself when writing
about things of which I know nothing; for really I sometimes take up
my paper, like a perfect fool, with no idea of what to say or of how
to begin. I fully realize how important it is for you that I should
explain certain interior matters to the best of my ability; for we
continually hear what a good thing prayer is, and our Constitutions
oblige us to engage in it for so many hours daily, yet they tell us
nothing beyond what we ourselves have to do and say very little about
the work done by the Lord in the soul -- I mean, supernatural work.
As I describe the things He does, and give various explanations of
them, it will be very helpful for us to think of this celestial building
which is within us and is so little understood by mortals, although
many of them frequent it. And although the Lord has thrown some light
upon many matters of which I have written, I do not think I have understood
some of them, especially the most difficult, as well as I do now. The
trouble, as I have said, is that, before I can get to them, I shall
have to explain many things that are well known -- it is bound to be
so when a person is as stupid as I.
Let us
now turn to our castle with its many mansions. You must not imagine
these mansions as arranged in a row, one behind another, but fix your
attention on the centre, the room or palace occupied by the King. Think
of a palmito,[32] which
has many outer rinds surrounding the savoury part within, all of which
must be taken away before the centre can be eaten. Just so around this
central room are many more, as there also are above it. In speaking
of the soul we must always think of it as spacious, ample and lofty;
and this can be done without the least exaggeration, for the soul's
capacity is much greater than we can realize, and this Sun, Which is
in the palace, reaches every part of it. It is very important that
no soul which practises prayer, whether little or much, should be subjected
to undue constraint or limitation. Since God has given it such dignity,
it must be allowed to roam through these mansions -- through those
above, those below and those on either side. It must not be compelled
to remain for a long time in one single room -- not, at least, unless
it is in the room of self-knowledge.[33] How
necessary that is (and be sure you understand me here) even to those
whom the Lord keeps in the same mansion in which He Himself is! However
high a state the soul may have attained, self-knowledge is incumbent
upon it, and this it will never be able to neglect even should it so
desire. Humility must always be doing its work like a bee making its
honey in the hive: without humility all will be lost. Still, we should
remember that the bee is constantly flying about from flower to flower,
and in the same way, believe me, the soul must sometimes emerge from
self-knowledge and soar aloft in meditation upon the greatness and
the majesty of its God. Doing this will help it to realize its own
baseness better than thinking of its own nature, and it will be freer
from the reptiles which enter the first rooms -- that is, the rooms
of self-knowledge. For although, as I say, it is through the abundant
mercy of God that the soul studies to know itself, yet one can have
too much of a good thing, as the saying goes,[34] and
believe me, we shall reach much greater heights of virtue by thinking
upon the virtue of God than if we stay in our own little plot of ground
and tie ourselves down to it completely.
I do not
know if I have explained this clearly: self-knowledge is so important
that, even if you were raised right up to the heavens, I should like
you never to relax your cultivation of it; so long as we are on this
earth, nothing matters more to us than humility. And so I repeat that
it is a very good thing -- excellent, indeed -- to begin by entering
the room where humility is acquired rather than by flying off to the
other rooms. For that is the way to make progress, and, if we have
a safe, level road to walk along, why should we desire wings to fly?
Let us rather try to get the greatest possible profit out of walking.
As I see it, we shall never succeed in knowing ourselves unless we
seek to know God: let us think of His greatness and then come back
to our own baseness; by looking at His purity we shall see our foulness;
by meditating upon His humility, we shall see how far we are from being
humble.
There
are two advantages in this. First, it is clear that anything white
looks very much whiter against something black, just as the black looks
blacker against the white. Secondly, if we turn from self towards God,
our understanding and our will become nobler and readier to embrace
all that is good: if we never rise above the slough of our own miseries
we do ourselves a great disservice. We were saying just now how black
and noisome are the streams that flow from souls in mortal sin. Similarly,
although this is not the same thing -- God forbid! It is only a comparison
-- so long as we are buried in the wretchedness of our earthly nature
these streams of ours will never disengage themselves from the slough
of cowardice, pusillanimity and fear. We shall always be glancing around
and saying: "Are people looking at me or not?" "If I
take a certain path shall I come to any harm?" "Dare I begin
such and such a task?" "Is it pride that is impelling me
to do so?" "Can anyone as wretched as I engage in so lofty
an exercise as prayer?" "Will people think better of me if
I refrain from following the crowd?" "For extremes are not
good," they say, "even in virtue; and I am such a sinner
that if I were to fail I should only have farther to fall; perhaps
I shall make no progress and in that case I shall only be doing good
people harm; anyway, a person like myself has no need to make herself
singular."
Oh, God
help my daughters, how many souls the devil must have ruined in this
way! They think that all these misgivings, and many more that I could
describe, arise from humility, whereas they really come from our lack
of self-knowledge. We get a distorted idea of our own nature, and,
if we never stop thinking about ourselves, I am not surprised if we
experience these fears and others which are still worse. It is for
this reason, daughters, that I say we must set our eyes upon Christ
our Good, from Whom we shall learn true humility, and also upon His
saints. Our understanding, as I have said, will then be ennobled, and
self-knowledge will not make us timorous[35] and
fearful; for, although this is only the first Mansion, it contains
riches of great price, and any who can elude the reptiles which are
to be found in it will not fail to go farther. Terrible are the crafts
and wiles which the devil uses to prevent souls from learning to know
themselves and understanding his ways.
With regard
to these first Mansions I can give some very useful information out
of my own experience. I must tell you, for example, to think of them
as comprising not just a few rooms, but a very large number.[36] There
are many ways in which souls enter them, always with good intentions;
but as the devil's intentions are always very bad, he has many legions
of evil spirits in each room to prevent souls from passing from one
to another, and as we, poor souls, fail to realize this, we are tricked
by all kinds of deceptions. The devil is less successful with those
who are nearer the King's dwelling-place; but at this early stage,
as the soul is still absorbed in worldly affairs, engulfed in worldly
pleasure and puffed up with worldly honours and ambitions, its vassals,
which are the senses and the faculties given to it by God as part of
its nature, have not the same power, and such a soul is easily vanquished,
although it may desire not to offend God and may perform good works.
Those who find themselves in this state need to take every opportunity
of repairing to His Majesty, and to make His blessed Mother their intercessor,
and also His saints, so that these may do battle for them, since their
own servants have little strength for defending themselves. In reality
it is necessary in every state of life for our help to come from God.
May His Majesty grant us this through His mercy. Amen.
How miserable
is this life which we live! As I have said a great deal elsewhere,
daughters, about the harm which comes to us through our not properly
understanding this matter of humility and self-knowledge, I am not
saying more to you here, though it is a matter of the greatest importance
to us. May the Lord grant that something I have said will be of use
to you.
You must
note that the light which comes from the palace occupied by the King
hardly reaches these first Mansions at all; for, although they are
not dark and black, as when the soul is in a state of sin, they are
to some extent darkened, so that they cannot be seen (I mean by anyone
who is in them); and this not because of anything that is wrong with
the room, but rather (I hardly know how to explain myself) because
there are so many bad things -- snakes and vipers and poisonous creatures
-- which have come in with the soul that they prevent it from seeing
the light. It is as if one were to enter a place flooded by sunlight
with his eyes so full of dust[37] that
he could hardly open them. The room itself is light enough, but he
cannot enjoy the light because he is prevented from doing so by these
wild beasts and animals, which force him to close his eyes to everything
but themselves. This seems to me to be the condition of a soul which,
though not in a bad state, is so completely absorbed in things of the
world and so deeply immersed, as I have said, in possessions or honours
or business, that, although as a matter of fact it would like to gaze
at the castle and enjoy its beauty, it is prevented from doing so,
and seems quite unable to free itself from all these impediments. Everyone,
however, who wishes to enter the second Mansions, will be well advised,
as far as his state of life permits, to try to put aside all unnecessary
affairs and business. For those who hope to reach the principal Mansion,
this is so important that unless they begin in this way I do not believe
they will ever be able to get there. Nor, indeed, even though it has
entered the castle, is the soul free from great peril in the Mansion
which it actually inhabits; for, being among such poisonous things,
it cannot, at some time or another, escape being bitten by them.
What would
happen, then, daughters, if those who, like ourselves, are free from
these obstacles, and have already entered much farther into other secret
mansions of the castle, should, through their own fault, go out again
into this hurly-burly? Our sins must have led many people whom God
has granted favours to relapse through their faults into this wretched
state. We here, so far as outward things are concerned, are free; may
it please the Lord to make us free as regards inward things as well
and to deliver us from evil. Beware, my daughters, of cares which have
nothing to do with you. Remember that in few of the mansions of this
castle are we free from struggles with devils. It is true that in some
of them, the wardens, who, as I think I said, are the faculties, have
strength for the fight; but it is most important that we should not
cease to be watchful against the devil's wiles, lest he deceive us
in the guise of an angel of light. For there are a multitude of ways
in which he can deceive us, and gradually make his way into the castle,
and until he is actually there we do not realize it.
As I told
you before, he works like a noiseless file, and we must be on the look-out
for him from the beginning. In order to explain this better I want
to give you several illustrations. He inspires a sister with yearnings
to do penance, so that she seems to have no peace save when she is
torturing herself. This, in itself, is good; but, if the prioress has
ordered that no penance is to be done without leave, and yet the sister
thinks that she can venture to persist in so beneficial a practice,
and secretly orders her life in such a way that in the end she ruins
her health and is unable to do what her Rule demands, you see what
this apparently good thing has led to. Another sister is inspired with
zeal for the greatest possible perfection. This, again, is a very good
thing; but the result of it might be that she would think any little
fault on the part of the sisters a serious failure, and would always
be looking out for such things and running to the prioress about them;
sometimes she might even be so zealous about religious observances
as to be unable to see her own faults; and this the others, observing
only her zeal about their misdeeds and not understanding the excellence
of her intentions, might well take none too kindly.
The devil's
aim here must not be made light of, for he is trying to bring about
a cooling of charity and love among the sisters, and if he could do
this he would be working a great deal of harm. Let us realize, my daughters,
that true perfection consists in the love of God and of our neighbour,
and the more nearly perfect is our observance of these two commandments,
the nearer to perfection we shall be. Our entire Rule and Constitutions
are nothing but means which enable us to do this the more perfectly.
Let us refrain from indiscreet zeal, which may do us great harm: let
each one of you look to herself. As I have said a great deal to you
about this elsewhere[38] I
will not enlarge on it further.
This mutual
love is so important for us that I should like you never to forget
it; for if the soul goes about looking for trifling faults in others
(which sometimes may not be imperfections at all, though perhaps our
ignorance may lead us to make the worst of them) it may lose its own
peace of mind and perhaps disturb that of others. See, then, how dearly
perfection can be bought. The devil might also use this temptation
in the case of a prioress, and then it would be more dangerous still.
Much discretion is necessary here; for, if it were a question of her
contravening the Rule and Constitutions, it would not always do to
take a lenient view of the matter -- she would have to be spoken to
about it; and, if she did not then amend, the prelate would have to
be told: to do this would be a charity. This would also apply to the
sisters, where the fault was a grave one: to say nothing through fear
that taking the matter up would be yielding to temptation would itself
be to yield to temptation. However, to prevent deception by the devil,
it should be strongly stressed that no sister must discuss such things
with any other, for from this practice the devil can pluck great advantage
and start habits of slander; these matters must be discussed, as I
have said, only with the person whose concern they are. Here, glory
be to God, we keep almost continuous silence, so that the opportunity
does not arise; none the less, it is well that we should be on our
guard.
In which there is
Treats
of the great importance of perseverance if we are to reach the final
Mansions and of the fierce war which the devil wages against us.
Tells how essential it is, if we are to attain our goal, not to miss
our way at the beginning. Gives a method which has proved very efficacious.
LET us
now come to consider who the souls are that enter the second Mansions
and what they do there. I want to say very little to you about this,
because elsewhere I have written of it at length,[40] and
it will be impossible for me to avoid repeating a great deal of this,
because I cannot remember anything of what I said. If it could be arranged[41] in
a different form, I am quite sure you would not mind, as we are never
tired of books that treat of this, numerous though they are.
This
chapter has to do with those who have already begun to practise prayer
and who realize the importance of not remaining in the first Mansions,
but who often are not yet resolute enough to leave those Mansions,
and will not avoid occasions of sin, which is a very perilous condition.
But it is a very great mercy that they should contrive to escape from
the snakes and other poisonous creatures, if only for short periods
and should realize that it is good to flee from them. In some ways,
these souls have a much harder time than those in the first Mansions;
but they are in less peril, for they seem now to understand their position
and there is great hope that they will get farther into the castle
still. I say they have a harder time because the souls in the first
Mansions are, as it were, not only dumb, but can hear nothing, and
so it is not such a trial to them to be unable to speak; the others,
who can hear and not speak, would find the trial much harder to bear.
But that is no reason for envying those who do not hear, for after
all it is a great thing to be able to understand what is said to one.
These
souls, then, can understand the Lord when He calls them; for, as they
gradually get nearer to the place where His Majesty dwells, He becomes
a very good Neighbour to them. And such are His mercy and goodness
that, even when we are engaged in our worldly pastimes and businesses
and pleasures and hagglings, when we are falling into sins and rising
from them again (because these creatures are at once so venomous and
so active and it is so dangerous for us to be among them that it will
be a miracle if we escape stumbling over them and falling) -- in spite
of all that, this Lord of ours is so anxious that we should desire
Him and strive after His companionship that He calls us ceaselessly,
time after time, to approach Him; and this voice of His is so sweet
that the poor soul is consumed with grief at being unable to do His
bidding immediately, and thus, as I say, it suffers more than if it
could not hear Him.
I do
not mean by this that He speaks to us and calls us in the precise way
which I shall describe later; His appeals come through the conversations
of good people, or from sermons, or through the reading of good books;
and there are many other ways, of which you have heard, in which God
calls us. Or they come through sicknesses and trials, or by means of
truths which God teaches us at times when we are engaged in prayer;
however feeble such prayers may be God values them highly. You must
not despise this first favour, sisters, nor be disconsolate, even though
you have not responded immediately to the Lord's call; for His Majesty
is quite prepared to wait for many days, and even years, especially
when He sees we are persevering and have good desires. This is the
most necessary thing here; if we have this we cannot fail to gain greatly.
Nevertheless, the assault which the devils now make upon the soul,
in all kinds of ways, is terrible; and the soul suffers more than in
the preceding Mansions; for there it was deaf and dumb, or at least
it could hear very little, and so it offered less resistance, like
one who to a great extent has lost hope of gaining the victory. Here
the understanding is keener and the faculties are more alert, while
the clash of arms and the noise of cannon are so loud that the soul
cannot help hearing them. For here the devils once more show the soul
these vipers -- that is, the things of the world -- and they pretend
that earthly pleasures are almost eternal: they remind the soul of
the esteem in which it is held in the world, of its friends and relatives,
of the way in which its health will be endangered by penances (which
the soul always wants to do when it first enters this Mansion) and
of impediments of a thousand other kinds.
Oh, Jesus!
What confusion the devils bring about in the poor soul, and how distressed
it is, not knowing if it ought to proceed farther or return to the
room where it was before! On the other hand, reason tells the soul
how mistaken it is in thinking that all these earthly things are of
the slightest value by comparison with what it is seeking, faith instructs
it in what it must do to find satisfaction; memory shows it how all
these things come to an end, and reminds it that those who have derived
so much enjoyment from the things which it has seen have died. Sometimes
they have died suddenly and been quickly forgotten by all: people whom
we once knew to be very prosperous are now beneath the ground, and
we trample upon their graves, and often, as we pass them, we reflect
that their bodies are seething with worms -- of these and many other
things the soul is reminded by memory. The will inclines to love One
in Whom it has seen so many acts and signs of love, some of which it
would like to return. In particular, the will shows the soul how this
true Lover never leaves it, but goes with it everywhere and gives it
life and being. Then the understanding comes forward and makes the
soul realize that, for however many years it may live, it can never
hope to have a better friend, for the world is full of falsehood and
these pleasures which the devil pictures to it are accompanied by trials
and cares and annoyances; and tells it to be certain that outside this
castle it will find neither security nor peace: let it refrain from
visiting one house after another when its own house is full of good
things, if it will only enjoy them. How fortunate it is to be able
to find all that it needs, as it were, at home, especially when it
has a Host Who will put all good things into its possession, unless,
like the Prodigal Son, it desires to go astray and eat the food of
the swine![42]
It is
reflections of this kind which vanquish devils. But, oh, my God and
Lord, how everything is ruined by the vain habits we fall into and
the way everyone else follows them! So dead is our faith that we desire
what we see more than what faith tells us about -- though what we actually
see is that people who pursue these visible things meet with nothing
but ill fortune. All this is the work of these poisonous creatures
which we have been describing. For, if a man is bitten by a viper,
his whole body is poisoned and swells up; and so it is in this case,
and yet we take no care of ourselves. Obviously a great deal of attention
will be necessary if we are to be cured and only the great mercy of
God will preserve us from death. The soul will certainly suffer great
trials at this time, especially if the devil sees that its character
and habits are such that it is ready to make further progress: all
the powers of hell will combine to drive it back again.
Ah, my
Lord! It is here that we have need of Thine aid, without which we can
do nothing. Of Thy mercy, allow not this soul to be deluded and led
astray when its journey is but begun. Give it light so that it may
see how all its welfare consists in this and may flee from evil companionship.
It is a very great thing for a person to associate with others who
are walking in the right way: to mix, not only with those whom he sees
in the rooms where he himself is, but with those whom he knows to have
entered the rooms nearer the centre, for they will be of great help
to him and he can get into such close touch with them that they will
take him with them. Let him have a fixed determination not to allow
himself to be beaten, for, if the devil sees that he has firmly resolved
to lose his life and his peace and everything that he can offer him
rather than to return to the first room, he will very soon cease troubling
him. Let him play the man and not be like those who went down on their
knees in order to drink when they went to battle -- I forget with whom[43] --
but let him be resolute, for he is going forth to fight with all the
devils and there are no better weapons than the Cross.
There
is one thing so important that, although I have said it on other occasions,[44] I
will repeat it once more here: it is that at the beginning one must
not think of such things as spiritual favours, for that is a very poor
way of starting to build such a large and beautiful edifice. If it
is begun upon sand, it will all collapse:[45] souls
which build like that will never be free from annoyances and temptations.
For it is not in these Mansions, but in those which are farther on,
that it rains manna; once there, the soul has all that it desires,
because it desires only what is the will of God. It is a curious thing:
here we are, meeting with hindrances and suffering from imperfections
by the thousand, with our virtues so young that they have not yet learned
how to walk -- in fact, they have only just been born: God grant that
they have even been born at all! -- and yet we are not ashamed to be
wanting consolations in prayer and to be complaining about periods
of aridity. This must not be true of you, sisters: embrace the Cross
which your Spouse bore upon His shoulders and realize that this Cross
is yours to carry too: let her who is capable of the greatest suffering
suffer most for Him and she will have the most perfect freedom. All
other things are of quite secondary importance: if the Lord should
grant them to you, give Him heartfelt thanks.
You may
think that you will be full of determination to resist outward trials
if God will only grant you inward favours. His Majesty knows best what
is suitable for us; it is not for us to advise Him what to give us,
for He can rightly reply that we know not what we ask.[46] All
that the beginner in prayer has to do -- and you must not forget this,
for it is very important -- is to labour and be resolute and prepare
himself with all possible diligence to bring his will into conformity
with the will of God. As I shall say later, you may be quite sure that
this comprises the very greatest perfection which can be attained on
the spiritual road. The more perfectly a person practises it, the more
he will receive of the Lord and the greater the progress he will make
on this road; do not think we have to use strange jargon or dabble
in things of which we have no knowledge or understanding, our entire
welfare is to be found in what I have described. If we go astray at
the very beginning and want the Lord to do our will and to lead us
just as our fancy dictates, how can this building possibly have a firm
foundation? Let us see that we do as much as in us lies and avoid these
venomous reptiles, for often it is the Lord's will that we should be
persecuted and afflicted by evil thoughts, which we cannot cast out,
and also by aridities; and sometimes He even allows these reptiles
to bite us, so that we may learn better how to be on our guard in the
future and see if we are really grieved at having offended Him.
If, then,
you sometimes fail, do not lose heart, or cease striving to make progress,
for even out of your fall God will bring good, just as a man selling
an antidote will drink poison before he takes it in order to prove
its power. If nothing else could show us what wretched creatures we
are and what harm we do to ourselves by dissipating our desires, this
war which goes on within us would be sufficient to do so and to lead
us back to recollection. Can any evil be greater than the evil which
we find in our own house? What hope can we have of being able to rest
in other people's homes[47] if
we cannot rest in our own? For none of our friends and relatives are
as near to us as our faculties, with which we have always to live,
whether we like it or not, and yet our faculties seem to be making
war upon us, as if they were resentful of the war made upon them by
our vices. "Peace, peace," said the Lord, my sisters, and many a time
He spoke words of peace to His Apostles.[48] Believe
me, unless we have peace, and strive for peace in our own home, we
shall not find it in the homes of others. Let this war now cease. By
the blood which Christ shed for us, I beg this of those who have not
begun to enter within themselves; and those who have begun to do so
must not allow such warfare to turn them back. They must realize that
to fall a second time is worse than to fall once. They can see that
it will lead them to ruin: let them place their trust, not in themselves,
but in the mercy of God, and they will see how His Majesty can lead
them on from one group of Mansions to another and set them on safe
ground where these beasts cannot harass or hurt them, for He will place
the beasts in their power and laugh them to scorn; and then they themselves
-- even in this life, I mean -- will enjoy many more good things than
they could ever desire.
As I
said first of all, I have already written to you about how you ought
to behave when you have to suffer these disturbances with which the
devil torments you;[49] and
about how recollection cannot be begun by making strenuous efforts,
but must come gently, after which you will be able to practise it for
longer periods at a time. So I will say no more about this now, except
that it is very important for you to consult people of experience;
for otherwise you will imagine that you are doing yourselves great
harm by pursuing your necessary occupations. But, provided we do not
abandon our prayer, the Lord will turn everything we do to our profit,
even though we may find no one to teach us. There is no remedy for
this evil of which we have been speaking except to start again at the
beginning; otherwise the soul will keep on losing a little more every
day -- please God that it may come to realize this.
Some
of you might suppose that, if it is such a bad thing to turn back,
it would have been better never to have begun, but to have remained
outside the castle. I told you, however, at the outset, and the Lord
Himself says this, that he who goes into danger shall perish in it,[50] and
that the door by which we can enter this castle is prayer. It is absurd
to think that we can enter Heaven without first entering our own souls
-- without getting to know ourselves, and reflecting upon the wretchedness
of our nature and what we owe to God, and continually imploring His
mercy. The Lord Himself says: "No one will ascend to My Father, but
by Me"[51] (I
am not sure if those are the exact words, but I think they are)[52] and "He
that sees Me sees My Father."[53] Well,
if we never look at Him or think of what we owe Him, and of the death
which He suffered for our sakes, I do not see how we can get to know
Him or do good works in His service. For what can be the value of faith
without works, or of works which are not united with the merits of
our Lord Jesus Christ? And what but such thoughts can arouse us to
love this Lord? May it please His Majesty to grant us to understand
how much we cost Him, that the servant is not greater than his Lord,[54] that
we must needs work if we would enjoy His glory, and that for that reason
we must perforce pray, lest we enter continually into temptation.[55]
In which there are Two Chapters.
Treats
of the insecurity from which we cannot escape in this life of exile,
however lofty a state we may reach, and of how good it is for us
to walk in fear. This chapter contains several good points.
TO those
who by the mercy of God have overcome in these combats, and by dint
of perseverance have entered the third Mansions, what shall we say
but "Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord"?[56] As
I am so stupid in these matters, it has been no small thing that His
Majesty should have enabled me to understand the meaning of this verse
in the vernacular. We shall certainly be right in calling such a man
blessed, for, unless he turns back, he is, so far as we can tell, on
the straight road to salvation. Here, sisters, you will see the importance
of having overcome in your past battles; for I am convinced that the
Lord never fails to give a person who does this security of conscience,
which is no small blessing. I say "security", but that is the wrong
word, for there is no security in this life, so, whenever I use it,
you must understand the words "unless he strays from the path on which
he has set out".
It is
really a perfect misery to be alive when we have always to be going
about like men with enemies at their gates, who cannot lay aside their
arms even when sleeping or eating, and are always afraid of being surprised
by a breaching of their fortress in some weak spot. Oh, my Lord and
my God! How canst Thou wish us to desire such a miserable life as that?
It would be impossible to refrain from wishing and begging Thee to
take us from it, were it not for our hope that we may lose it for Thy
sake, or spend it wholly in Thy service -- and, above all, for the
realization that it is Thy will for us. If that is indeed so, my God,
let us die with Thee, as Saint Thomas said,[57] for
life without Thee is nothing but death many times over and constant
dread at the possibility of losing Thee for ever. So I think, daughters,
that the happiness we should pray for is to enjoy the complete security
of the blessed;[58] for
what pleasure can anyone have when beset by these fears if his only
pleasure consists in pleasing God? Remember that all this, and much
more, could be said of some of the saints, and yet they fell[59] into
grave sins, and we cannot be certain that God will give us His hand
and help us to renounce them[60] and
do penance for them. (This refers to particular help.)[61]
Truly,
my daughters, I am so fearful as I write this that, when it comes to
my mind, as is very often the case, I hardly know how to get the words
down, or how to go on living. Beseech His Majesty, my daughters, always
to live within me, for otherwise what security can there be in a life
as misspent as mine? And do not let it depress you to realize that
I am like that -- I have sometimes seen you depressed when I have told
you so. The reason it affects you in that way is that you would like
to think I had been very holy. That is quite right of you: I should
like to think so myself. But what can I do about it when I have lost
so much through my own fault? I shall not complain that God ceased
giving me all the help I needed if your wishes were to be fulfilled:
I cannot say this without tears and great confusion when I realize
that I am writing for those who are themselves capable of teaching
me. Rigorous has been the task that obedience has laid upon me![62] May
it please the Lord that, as it is being done for His sake, you may
gain some profit from it and may ask Him to pardon this wretched and
foolhardy woman. But His Majesty well knows that I can count only upon
His Mercy, and, as I cannot help having been what I have, there is
nothing for me to do but approach God and trust in the merits of His
Son, and of the Virgin, His Mother, whose habit both you and I unworthily
wear. Praise Him, my daughters, for you are really the daughters of
Our Lady, and when you have as good a Mother as that there is no reason
for you to be scandalized at my unworthiness. Imitate Our Lady and
consider how great she must be and what a good thing it is that we
have her for our Patroness; even my sins and my being what I am have
not been sufficient to bring any kind of tarnish upon this sacred Order.
But of
one thing I must warn you: although you are in this Order, and have
such a Mother, do not be too sure of yourselves; for David was a very
holy man, yet you know what Solomon[63] became.
Nor must you set store by the fact that you are cloistered and lead
lives of penitence. Nor must you become confident because you are always
talking about God, continually engaging in prayer, withdrawing yourselves
completely from the things of this world and (to the best of your belief)
abhorring them. All that is good, but, as I have said, it is not enough
to justify us in laying aside our fears. So you must repeat this verse
and often bear it in mind: Beaus vir, qui timet Dominum.64
And now
I forget what I was saying -- I have been indulging in a long digression.
Whenever I think of myself I feel like a bird with a broken wing and
I can say nothing of any value. So I will leave all this for now and
return to what I had begun to explain concerning the souls that have
entered the third Mansions. In enabling these souls to overcome their
initial difficulties, the Lord has granted them no small favour, but
a very great one. I believe that, through His goodness, there are many
such souls in the world: they are most desirous not to offend His Majesty;
they avoid committing even venial sins;[65] they
love doing penance, they spend hours in recollection; they use their
time well; they practise works of charity toward their neighbours;
and they are very careful in their speech and dress and in the government
of their household if they have one. This is certainly a desirable
state and there seems no reason why they should be denied entrance
to the very last of the Mansions; nor will the Lord deny them this
if they desire it, for their disposition is such that He will grant
them any favour.
Oh, Jesus!
How could anyone ever say that he has no desire for such a wonderful
thing, especially when he has got over the most troublesome stages
leading to it? Surely no one could do so. We all say we desire it;
but if the Lord is to take complete possession of the soul more than
that is necessary. Words are not enough, any more than they were for
the young man when the Lord told him what to do if he wished to be
perfect.[66] Ever
since I began to speak of these Mansions I have had that young man
in mind, for we are exactly like him; and this as a rule is the origin
of our long periods of aridity in prayer, although these have other
sources as well. I am saying nothing here of interior trials, which
vex many good souls to an intolerable degree, and through no fault
of their own, but from which the Lord always rescues them, to their
great profit, as He does also those who suffer from melancholy and
other infirmities. In all things we must leave out of account the judgments
of God.
Personally,
I think that what I have said is the most usual thing. These souls
know that nothing would induce them to commit a sin -- many of them
would not intentionally commit even a venial sin -- and they make good
use of their lives and their possessions. So they cannot be patient
when the door is closed to them and they are unable to enter the presence
of the King, Whose vassals they consider themselves, and in fact are.
Yet even on earth a king may have many vassals and they do not all
get so far as to enter his chamber. Enter, then, enter within yourselves,
my daughters; and get right away from your own trifling good works,
for these you are bound, as Christians, to perform, and, indeed, many
more. It will be enough for you that you are vassals of God; do not
try to get so much that you achieve nothing. Look at the saints who
have entered the King's chamber and you will see the difference between
them and ourselves. Do not ask for what you have not deserved. For
we have offended God, and, however faithfully we serve Him, it should
never enter our heads that we can deserve anything.
Oh, humility,
humility! I do not know why I have this temptation, but whenever I
hear people making so much of their times of aridity, I cannot help
thinking that they are somewhat lacking in it. I am not, of course,
referring to the great interior trials of which I have spoken, for
they amount to much more than a lack of devotion. Let us test ourselves,
my sisters, or allow the Lord to test us; for He knows well how to
do it, although often we refuse to understand Him. And now let us return
to these carefully-ordered souls and consider what they do for God,
and we shall then see how wrong we are to complain of His Majesty.
For, if, when He tells us what we must do in order to be perfect, we
turn our backs upon Him and go away sorrowfully, like the young man
in the Gospel,[67] what
do you expect His Majesty to do, for the reward which He is to give
us must of necessity be proportionate with the love which we bear Him?
And this love, daughters, must not be wrought in our imagination but
must be proved by works. Yet do not suppose God has any need of our
works; what He needs is the resoluteness of our will.
It may
seem to us that we have done everything -- we who wear the religious
habit, having taken it of our own will and left all the things of the
world and all that we had for His sake (for although, like Saint Peter,
we may have left only our nets, yet He esteems a person who gives all
that he has as one who gives in fullest measure).[68] This
is a very good beginning; and, if we persevere in it, instead of going
back, even if only in desire, to consort with the reptiles in the first
rooms, there is no doubt that, by persevering in this detachment and
abandonment of everything, we shall attain our object. But it must
be on this condition -- and note that I am warning you of this -- that
we consider ourselves unprofitable servants, as we are told, either
by Saint Paul or by Christ,[69] and
realize that we have in no way obliged Our Lord to grant us such favours;
but rather that, the more we have received of Him, the more deeply
do we remain in His debt. What can we do for so generous a God, Who
died for us and created us and gives us being, without counting ourselves
fortunate in being able to repay Him something of what we owe Him for
the way He has served us[70] (I
write this word reluctantly, but it is the truth,[71] for
all the time He lived in the world He did nothing but serve) without
asking Him once more for gifts and favours?
Consider
carefully, daughters, these few things which have been set down here,
though they are in rather a jumbled state, for I cannot explain them
better; the Lord will make them clear to you, so that these periods
of aridity may teach you to be humble, and not make you restless, which
is the aim of the devil. Be sure that, where there is true humility,
even if God never grants the soul favours, He will give it peace and
resignation to His will, with which it may be more content than others
are with favours. For often, as you have read, it is to the weakest
that His Divine Majesty gives favours, which I believe they would not
exchange for all the fortitude given to those who go forward in aridity.
We are fonder of spiritual sweetness than of crosses. Test us, O Lord,
Thou Who knowest all truth, that we may know ourselves.
Continues
the same subject and treats of aridities in prayer and of what the
author thinks may result from them; and of how we must test ourselves;
and of how the Lord proves those who are in these Mansions.
I HAVE
known a few souls who have reached this state -- I think I might even
say a great many -- and who, as far as we can see, have for many years
lived an upright and carefully ordered life, both in soul and in body
and then, after all these years, when it has seemed as if they must
have gained the mastery over the world, or at least must be completely
detached from it, His Majesty has sent them tests which have been by
no means exacting and they have become so restless and depressed in
spirit that they have exasperated me,[72] and
have even made me thoroughly afraid for them. It is of no use offering
them advice, for they have been practising virtue for so long that
they think they are capable of teaching others and have ample justification
for feeling as they do.
Well,
I cannot find, and have never found, any way of comforting such people,
except to express great sorrow at their trouble, which, when I see
them so miserable, I really do feel. It is useless to argue with them,
for they brood over their woes and make up their minds that they are
suffering for God's sake, and thus never really understand that it
is all due to their own imperfection. And in persons who have made
so much progress this is a further mistake; one cannot be surprised
if they suffer, though I think this kind of suffering ought to pass
quickly. For often it is God's will that His elect should be conscious
of their misery and so He withdraws His help from them a little --
and no more than that is needed to make us recognize our limitations
very quickly. They then realize that this is a way of testing them,
for they gain a clear perception of their shortcomings, and sometimes
they derive more pain from finding that, in spite of themselves, they
are still grieving about earthly things, and not very important things
either, than from the matter which is troubling them. This, I think,
is a great mercy on the part of God, and even though they are at fault
they gain a great deal in humility.
With
those other persons of whom I am speaking it is different: they consider
they have acted in a highly virtuous way, as I have said, and they
wish others to think so too. I will tell you about some of them so
that we may learn to understand and test ourselves before we are tested
by the Lord -- and it would be a very great advantage if we were prepared
and had learned to know ourselves first.
A rich
man, who is childless and has no one to leave his money to, loses part
of his wealth; but not so much that he has not enough for himself and
his household -- he still has enough and to spare. If he begins to
get restless and worried, as though he had not a crust of bread left
to eat, how can Our Lord ask him to leave all for His sake? It may
be, of course, that he is suffering because he wants to give the money
to the poor. But I think God would rather I were resigned to what His
Majesty does, and kept my tranquillity of soul, than that I should
do such acts of charity as these. If this man cannot resign himself,
because the Lord has not led him thus far, well and good; but he ought
to realize that he lacks this freedom of spirit and in that case he
will pray for it and prepare himself for the Lord to give it to him.
Another
person, who has means enough to support himself, and indeed an excess
of means, sees an opportunity of acquiring more property. Let him take
such an opportunity, certainly, if it comes to him; but if he strives
after it, and, on obtaining it, strives after more and more, however
good his intention may be (and good it must be, because, as I have
said, these are all virtuous people and given to prayer), he need not
be afraid that he will ever ascend[73] to
the Mansions which are nearest the King.
It is
much the same thing if such people are despised in any way or lose
some of their reputation. God often grants them grace to bear this
well, for He loves to help people to be virtuous in the presence of
others, so that the virtue itself which they possess may not be thought
less of, or perhaps He will help them because they have served Him,
for this our God is good indeed. And yet they become restless, for
they cannot do as they would like to and control their feelings all
at once. Yet oh, dear me! Are not these the same persons who some time
ago were meditating upon how the Lord suffered, and upon what a good
thing it is to suffer, and who were even desiring to suffer? They would
like every one else to live as well-ordered a life as they do themselves;
all we can hope is that they will not begin to imagine that the trouble
they have is somebody else's fault and represent it to themselves as
meritorious.
You will
think, sisters, that I am wandering from the point, and am no longer
addressing myself to you, and that these things have nothing to do
with us, as we own no property and neither desire it nor strive after
it and nobody ever slights us. It is true that these examples are not
exactly applicable to us, but many others which are can be deduced
from them, though it is unnecessary, and would be unseemly, for me
to detail them. From these you will find out if you are really detached
from the things you have abandoned, for trifling incidents arise, though
not precisely of this kind, which give you the opportunity to test
yourselves and discover if you have obtained the mastery over your
passions. And believe me, what matters is not whether or no we wear
a religious habit; it is whether we try to practise the virtues, and
make a complete surrender of our wills to God and order our lives as
His Majesty ordains: let us desire that not our wills, but His will,
be done.[74] If
we have not progressed as far as this, then, as I have said, let us
practise humility, which is the ointment for our wounds; if we are
truly humble, God, the Physician,[75] will
come in due course, even though He tarry, to heal us.
The penances
done by these persons are as carefully ordered as their lives. They
have a great desire for penance, so that by means of it they may serve
Our Lord -- and there is nothing wrong in that -- and for this reason
they observe great discretion in their penances, lest they should injure
their health. You need never fear that they will kill themselves: they
are eminently reasonable folk! Their love is not yet ardent enough
to overwhelm their reason. How I wish ours would make us dissatisfied
with this habit of always serving God at a snail's pace! As long as
we do that we shall never get to the end of the road. And as we seem
to be walking along and getting fatigued all the time -- for, believe
me, it is an exhausting road -- we shall be very lucky if we escape
getting lost. Do you think, daughters, if we could get from one country
to another in a week, it would be advisable, with all the winds and
snow and floods and bad roads, to take a year over it? Would it not
be better to get the journey over and done with? For there are all
these obstacles for us to meet and there is also the danger of serpents.
Oh, what a lot I could tell you about that! Please God I have got farther
than this myself -- though I often fear I have not!
When
we proceed with all this caution, we find stumbling-blocks everywhere;
for we are afraid of everything, and so dare not go farther, as if
we could arrive at these Mansions by letting others make the journey
for us! That is not possible, my sisters; so, for the love of the Lord,
let us make a real effort: let us leave our reason and our fears in
His hands and let us forget the weakness of our nature which is apt
to cause us so much worry. Let our superiors see to the care of our
bodies; that must be their concern: our own task is only to journey
with good speed so that we may see the Lord. Although we get few or
no comforts here, we shall be making a great mistake if we worry over
our health, especially as it will not be improved by our anxiety about
it -- that I well know. I know, too, that our progress has nothing
to do with the body, which is the thing that matters least. What the
journey which I am referring to demands is great humility, and it is
the lack of this, I think, if you see what I mean, which prevents us
from making progress. We may think we have advanced only a few steps,
and we should believe that this is so and that our sisters' progress
is much more rapid; and further we should not only want them to consider
us worse than anyone else, but we should contrive to make them do so.
If we
act thus, this state is a most excellent one, but otherwise we shall
spend our whole lives in it and suffer a thousand troubles and miseries.
Without complete self-renunciation, the state is very arduous and oppressive,
because, as we go along, we are labouring under the burden of our miserable
nature, which is like a great load of earth and has not to be borne
by those who reach the later Mansions. In these present Mansions the
Lord does not fail to recompense us with just measure, and even generously,
for He always gives us much more than we deserve by granting us a spiritual
sweetness much greater than we can obtain from the pleasures and distractions
of this life. But I do not think that He gives many consolations, except
when He occasionally invites us to see what is happening in the remaining
Mansions, so that we may prepare to enter them.
You will
think that spiritual sweetness and consolations are one and the same
thing: why, then, this difference of name? To me it seems that they
differ a very great deal, though I may be wrong. I will tell you what
I think about this when I write about the fourth Mansions, which will
follow these, because, as I shall then have to say something about
the consolations which the Lord gives in those Mansions, it will come
more appropriately. The subject will seem an unprofitable one, yet
none the less it may be of some use, for, once you understand the nature
of each, you can strive to pursue the one which is better. This latter
is a great solace to souls whom God has brought so far, while it will
make those who think they have everything feel ashamed; and if they
are humble they will be moved to give thanks. Should they fail to experience
it, they will feel an inward discouragement -- quite unnecessarily,
however, for perfection consists not in consolations, but in the increase
of love; on this, too, will depend our reward, as well as on the righteousness
and truth which are in our actions.
If this
is true -- and it is -- you will wonder what is the use of my discussing
these interior favours, and explaining what they are. I do not know:
you must ask the person who commanded me to write, for I am under an
obligation not to dispute with my superiors, but to obey them, and
it would not be right for me to dispute with them. What I can tell
you truly is that, when I had had none of these favours, and knew nothing
of them by experience, and indeed never expected to know about them
all my life long (and rightly so, though it would have been the greatest
joy for me to know, or even to conjecture, that I was in any way pleasing
to God), none the less, when I read in books of these favours and consolations
which the Lord grants to souls that serve Him, it would give me the
greatest pleasure and lead my soul to offer fervent praises to God.
Now if I, who am so worthless a person, did that, surely those who
are good and humble will praise Him much more. If it only enables a
single person to praise Him once, I think it is a good thing that all
this should be said, and that we should realize what pleasure and what
delights we lose through our own fault. All the more so because, if
they come from God, they come laden with love and fortitude, by the
help of which a soul can progress with less labour and grow continually
in good works and virtues. Do not suppose that it matters little whether
or no we do what we can to obtain them. But if the fault is not yours,
the Lord is just, and what His Majesty denies you in this way He will
give you in other ways -- His Majesty knows how. His secrets are hidden
deep; but all that He does will be best for us, without the slightest
doubt.
What
I think would be of the greatest profit to those of us who, by the
goodness of the Lord, are in this state -- and, as I have said, He
shows them no little mercy in bringing them to it, for, when here,
they are on the point of rising still higher -- is that they should
be most studious to render ready obedience. Even though they be not
in a religious Order, it would be a great thing for them to have someone
to whom they could go, as many people do, so that they might not be
following their own will in anything, for it is in this way that we
usually do ourselves harm. They should not look for anyone (as the
saying has it) cast in the same mould as themselves[76] who
always proceeds with great circumspection; they should select a man
who is completely disillusioned with the things of the world. It is
a great advantage for us to be able to consult someone who knows us,
so that we may learn to know ourselves. And it is a great encouragement
to see that things which we thought impossible are possible to others,
and how easily these others do them. It makes us feel that we may emulate
their flights and venture to fly ourselves, as the young birds do when
their parents teach them; they are not yet ready for great flights
but they gradually learn to imitate their parents. This is a great
advantage, as I know. However determined such persons may be not to
offend the Lord, they will do well not to run any risk of offending
Him; for they are so near the first Mansions that they might easily
return to them, since their fortitude is not built upon solid ground
like that of souls who are already practised in suffering. These last
are familiar with the storms of the world, and realize how little need
there is to fear them or to desire worldly pleasures. If those of whom
I am speaking, however, had to suffer great persecutions, they might
well return to such pleasures and the devil well knows how to contrive
such persecutions in order to do us harm; they might be pressing onward
with great zeal, and trying to preserve others from sin, and yet be
unable to resist any temptations which came to them.
Let us
look at our own shortcomings and leave other people's alone; for those
who live carefully ordered lives are apt to be shocked at everything
and we might well learn very important lessons from the persons who
shock us. Our outward comportment and behaviour may be better than
theirs, but this, though good, is not the most important thing: there
is no reason why we should expect everyone else to travel by our own
road, and we should not attempt to point them to the spiritual path
when perhaps we do not know what it is. Even with these desires that
God gives us to help others, sisters, we may make many mistakes, and
thus it is better to attempt to do what our Rule tells us -- to try
to live ever in silence and in hope, and the Lord will take care of
His own. If, when we beseech this of His Majesty, we do not become
negligent ourselves, we shall be able, with His help, to be of great
profit to them. May He be for ever blessed.
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